your thong is hanging out like whoa
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I pour the whiskey from now on
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
