dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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