better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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