I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We have started to decorate penises.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
