3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The power of my boobs compel you
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