I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
