The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
