New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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