i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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