My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
There's always time for handjobs
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
