I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
