Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
