We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
