Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
