dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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