Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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