I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
