i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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