i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
