There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
