I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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