Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
