Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
