did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
