i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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