next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
