I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
