??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
