We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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