How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
