i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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