i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
