Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
