I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
