yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
