Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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