If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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