I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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