Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
