Im at strip club and am horny
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
