So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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