Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
