Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
