Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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