32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
