**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
