She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
