i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize
