I accidentally burped into my bong.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
