Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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