Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
