I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
