Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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