this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
she told me i tasted like america
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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