I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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