Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
