If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i wish my penis had a tongue
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
